Dearest Derek,

Oh How I MISS YOU!!! It still DOESN'T seem real!!! It never will!!! My heart is so broken inside. I try so hard to wear my mask but it hurts so much to wear it. I just want to be able to tell others when they ask 'How are you doing?' How the 'F' do you think I am, My Son isn't here and I don't know why!!! Having you not here is the hardest thing ever - no one can ever imagine.. only another grieving parent can understand this! It is not a group I want to belong to and not one I ever wanted to have to be apart of. But I am here and I HATE IT!!! I am so sorry DEREK for the tears I cry - I know I try each day to just put one foot in front of the other - it is so hard to do. I know I have too and so does Steph. We have each other, even though we both hurt so much - we can't help each other at times. The pain is so intense - a part of us is gone and never to be healed.
Derek know how much we LOVE YOU and MISS YOU!!
I don't know what you want us to do for your Birthday this year?? If anyone has any ideas??? Let Steph & Me know....
otherwise we will get a cake and have a quiet party with you.
I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH DEREK!!!! WISHING YOU WERE HERE!!!!! hopefully see you soon - I can only wish...
not for me to decide.
LOVE YOU ALWAYS & FOREVER 'SON'
((((HUGS)))) to YOU & COLIN
MOM xoxo