Well Derek today marks 3 years since you passed... It is so hard to believe that you are gone. I still pray that one day I will wake up and someone will tell me that this has just been a very, very bad dream. I long to hold you and see you again. I know that you are near me all the time but it is not the same. I want to see you physically and tell you so many things... now I simply think them and know that you are listening.
I was so excited last weekend when I was doing my 60km walk for breast cancer and came across a sign from you. There I was struggling to make it up a hill, when all of a sudden I looked down at the ground to see your name written on the cement in pink chalk, with a graffitti style to it. I knew at that moment that you were with me.
I wish I wasnt sitting here writting this letter to you. It hurts to know that I can't call you or email you my exciting news stories.
I always ask WHY??? why did you have to go so soon??? It is just not fair.
Today Mom and I are spending the day together doing lunch and other activities to help ease the pain for a day or so. This is the first time that mom and I have spent the day together on this day. I think it is because before it was just too hard... not to say that today is going to be easy.
As you know Mom, Eric, and I just bought a house. When we went for the building inspection some of the current homeowners were there. The young boy had a few friends over... one who looked so much like you it was crazy. Mom was a little shaken by it and called me to give me a heads up before I arrived and thank goodness because the resemblance was so real. Maybe this was your way of telling us that we had indeed found the perfect house where you will always be near us.
Anyways Derek I don't know what else to say... you already know what I am feeling, how my emotions are tearing me apart inside. How none of this will ever make sense to me... again why you, why then, why so young, why why why??? This world doesn't seem worth staying in sometimes because you are gone. It's so big and sometimes so cold that I wish I was with you flyin free as a bird. You are my angel in the sky. I LOVE YOU... miss you like crazy.