...Let's get x-rays,

An MRI, a bone scan

Doesn't look like cancer

But we'll check his blood



LEUKEMIA

A voice on the phone says

Stretched, fast/slow, high/deep, it's an evil voice

I can't find the voice in my head


I'm screaming to my father, you can't have him yet!


There's a rush, in my brain, in my veins, to the hospital

Prep for an IV

A second attempt, then a fifth

His veins are too weak



So many voices now, such scuffling in my head

They have made miraculous progress with it these days you know

This is not a death sentence

But isn't a sentence about death a death sentence? My mind is sad, silly, surreal

I can't shut it off


Blood tests, needle sticks, port implantation surgery

Liquid remedies in his mouth

Liquid poison in his veins

Little eyes plead with mine, Mom, please don't let them hurt me


He needs blood, he needs platelets

These transfusions are safe, mostly, we hope

Don't worry

But watch his kidneys

The chemo, the cure, can kill



Ultrasound, spinal tap, bone marrow aspiration

The are driving nails into my son

Oh God, Oh God!

Redundancy in my brain, my prayers, my pleading



Oral medication, tastes like bitter metal

Liquid poison floods his veins

Injections administered intramuscularly, intrathecally

Little eyes scream at mine, Mom, why are you letting them hurt me!



I'm hurting my child

They are torturing my child



OH GOD, PLEASE DON'T LET THEM STOP


- Kelly Lozicki Mom to Logan, Age 3, DX 8-14-03, pre-B cell ALL, & Austin, are 13.


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I ran across this poem in the an issue of CandleLighters. I could not have described it any better, this barrage of emotions and drowning in treatments. You'll find this on the webpage "Diagnosis".

It's so hard to put it all into words, and Kelly did an amazing job. Thank you Kelly for speaking for those of us who could not find the words to describe our pain as parents.

Thank you also to our Drs across the country as they battle daily for the lives of our children. Our brave soldiers on the front lines, God bless you.

State: Katrina@kylessmile.org