First, let me clarify something. Jerry is leaving for work, not leaving me. Some of you were confused by my last post and thought Jerry and I were splitting up. Not the case, Jerry just has to leave and go back to work in CA and leave me here in MN, alone with all the kids.
Now, on to Kyle...His kidneys have gotten worse. He goes back to surgery again tomorrow to have the dialysis port placed and start dialysis. Sad, but true. My baby is getting worse. His kidneys are shutting down. This poor kid gets worse every day and there's nothing I can do about it!!!!!!!! It's so frustrating to me as a mom to be so helpless where my child is concerned. I can't help him, I can't make him better, I can't do anything...but pray. I'm starting to wonder if God is getting sick of hearing my prayers and is turning a deaf ear now a days. He just keeps getting worse and worse as the days tick by. I wonder if we'll ever get home....with Kyle.
He is swelling back up again and the fluid is pouring back into his lungs, so weaning him off the vent went out the window with all other hopes of getting him better soon. He could take a bad turn at any second and be gone just like that, before we knew what hit us.
His heart is enlarged, it's huge. Dangerous! So many things are going wrong at the same time and he is nose diving downward again. I'm so scared for him this time, he's so weak, I don't know if he can pull himself out of this one.
But, he's amazed me before and I wouldn't put it past him to amaze me again! I'll just keep praying right along with the rest of you and hope.
Dear Katrina,
Thanks for keeping us posted. All that is happening seems overwhelming. With God all things are possible, yet sometimes God's ways are different from what we want...and we don't understand... In the midst of all this grief and heartache and scary medical stuff, I pray you, Kyle, Jerry, and the family will cling to God's faithfulness. We see our lives from this moment; He sees them from the light of eternity. Just this a.m., I read from Habakkuk, a book in the Bible I don't often turn to. Early in the book the prophet cried out to God about not understanding all the lack of justice and seeming unfairness of life. God's response, at first, caused Habakkuk even more confusion, because God's way was so different from the prophet's ideas. However, at the end of the book, Habakkuk says that even if everything in life goes wrong (I'm paraphrasing :-)), "yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the God of my salvation. God the Lord, is my strength." (Habakkuk 3:18-19a). I pray God will speak words of love and hope to you; I pray you will not feel forsaken by Him; I also pray that you will trust His love, no matter how things look, and I admit they look dark and scary. I know, in the deepest part of my being, that no matter what, God loves you and Kyle, and someday we will understand.
Love and prayers,
Jan
