Well, we did the bone marrow test today. The preliminary test shows suspicious cells. We have to wait a week to find out what they are. UGH! How can I wait a week to find out? I already can't eat or focus, I'm losing my hair over stress.

It's bad enough we can't buy groceries this week and now we have to deal with this too? I need God to cut me a break sometimes. I can only handle so much! I don't know why He thinks this is ok for me to deal with? All of this and yet ANOTHER scare!

I know this is not the end, if his test comes back negative, in a few months we'll be dealing with this all over again. I just can't take anymore. I pray and pray and it seems to get me nowhere these days.

I'm grateful for what God's given me, don't get me wrong, I'm just at my wits end right now. Please pray for me. And for Kyle of course, who knows nothing. Pray for Sean too, he's really worried too. Jerry is not, he always thinks everything is going to work out just fine. I wish I had his courage and serenity.

It's probably going to be negative, but I just can't help but worry myself sick.

Thanks in advance for all the praying you are going to do and continue to do for us. I will keep you posted, probably Thursday of next week we'll know more.

Blessings,

Kat

State: beachfeet13@yahoo.com

I wanted to share with you a beautiful email I got yesterday, It's your emails like this that keep me going:

Hello Katrina. My name is Shellie Fellers and I live in Oak Ridge, Tennessee. I am a friend of Chris and Alisha (Cochran) Massengill and have been following Kyle's progress through them for the past two years or so.

I'm an RN and have worked in pediatrics most of my nursing career but now stay home with our girls. I have wanted to write to you before but didn't know what to say. Nor do I now know what to say either, other than we have been (and are still now) praying for Kyle daily. He is one of three children that we know of personally who has some type of life threatening illness.

I honestly do not go a single night without including "Kyle" in my prayers. We have two little girls, a (almost) 6 year old named Josie, and a (almost) 2 year old named Olivia. We nearly lost Josie when she was born. She went into respiratory arrrest for reasons unknown to any of us or the doctors. Long story short, she came home two weeks later and has had no lasting effects. I don't know why that happened.

Perhaps to make my husband and I stronger as individuals, a stronger marriage....or maybe so I'll remember how she looked and smelled and sounded during that time for the rest of my life .....don't know. It was somehow a part of God's bigger plan. Although our situation can't compare to yours, I think I do know the fear you're living with. Fear that you can't miss a minute of his life because it may be the last.

I can't imagine how you've coped with your pain and worry and anger.....no matter how strong your faith, there's bound to be anger. I hope with all of my heart that Kyle's leukemia is not back. But if by some chance it is, I know God will guide you and your family and of course Kyle through what lies ahead. Whether you decide to do the bone biopsy or not, you should surely find some comfort in knowing that you've done everything in your power and the doctor's seemingly have done everything in their power to help Kyle recover.

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer to do the biopsy. That should be your decision to make along with Kyle....what does he want to do? Would it change how you lived the next "three months"? I'd be willing to bet that you're already making the most of every minute you have with Kyle. I have no idea what I'd do in your shoes. No idea what I'd have done over these past years, or what call I'd make on the biopsy. But I do hope you know what an impact your your little "hero" has had on my life thousands of miles away here in Tennessee. (I didn't even know his last name until recently.)

I have days or moments when being a mom just catches up with me and I feel as though I could scream! It's those times when Kyle seems to always pop into my mind and make me think how insignificant my frustrations are. And how precious my two girls are. Kyle and his story keep me grounded when I otherwise feel like crying, or yelling! Of course we all pray that our children are spared of disease or illness.

But should that day ever come for us, I just pray that I could be half the warrior you have been. What an unbelievable family. You are an inspiration to all who hear of your journey. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your fears and joys with us so that we may somehow be made better by it.

Our prayers and blessings to you all,

Shellie

State: beachfeet13@yahoo.com

Dear Katrina,
I'm so sorry you are facing another potential crisis. I don't have the answers; I have not walked in your shoes. We continue to pray for miracles for Kyle and for you and your precious family. I loved Shellie's reply...such tender caring...and what a beautiful reminder that you don't walk this journey alone; many are praying and lifting you up to God's throne of grace. Katrina, in my almost 63 years of life, I have discovered many truths, but foremost among these are that God is Love; God is Almighty; God is Sovereign; and God's ways are not ours (Isaiah 55:8-9), but that does not detract from his love, power, or sovereignty. He tells us in His Word (2 Corinthians and Hebrews...also in John 17) that this earth is not our home; we are merely pilgrims here; our HOME is with Him and in Him; He is our only hope, our only security, our greatest joy...
I'm not suggesting that Kyle's leukemia has returned or has not returned, but only that God loves Kyle with an eternal love, and that is also the way He loves you. This life is merely the first letter of the first word of the first sentence of the first paragraph or the first page of the eternal book that is our lives. Of course, we want it to be blessed and happy, but the end of the story is not written yet, and the best is yet to come--no matter what.
Having said that, Art and I pray for Kyle's miracle in the here and now. You are precious to us.
Love and prayers,
Jan Skauge

State: jskauge@frontiernet.net