I haven't been updating because I haven't been wanting to face reality.
As I've mentioned in a few of my previous posts, I was suspisious that Kyle was relapsing. Just that mom vibe. I have spent the last month or so in denial and trying to push those thoughts and fears out of my mind until I am losing my mind. I am now praying for healing and miracles. I am begging and pleading.
Living with the fear of losing my little boy is just unbearable and I just can't take it anymore.
The day to day struggles of not being able of not being able to make ends meet are wearing thin. Everyone has their limits and Jerry and I have reached ours. We work so hard and it always feels like it is for nothing.
My worst fears are coming to life. Kyle has lost weight, has been having leg cramps, double pink eye, overall ill looking, and now pnuemonia.
I've know for awhile that he has been relapsing and that is part of the reason that I have avoided updating the forum. Saying it out loud makes it so real and I just wasn't ready.
As much as I knew we needed prayer, I just couldn't deal with the heart ache of sharing this deep pain with all of you.
I've tried to keep a brave face for so long, but I just can't take it anymore.
We feel deserted and alone and thru each passing day, we wonder more and more where God is through all of this pain. We've always believed that God would never give us more than we could handle, but we already gone over the edge and now this.
I have finally scheduled a bone marrow test and finally took Kyle in for labs and it seems the drs are in agreement with me and are now concerned too.
He is being admitted today and only God knows what happens next.
As promised, this will be his last hospitalization. I have already made all of the arrangements to do all of the rest of Kyle's care at home until the end.
We will have the results next week and I only hope and pray with every fiber of my being that I am so terribly wrong.
Depending on the progression of the results, we will be lucky if Kyle makes it to his 11th Birthday in April.
