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"Talkshop Selwyn" Can't Do Sums

Lord! Lord! Lord! I pray in your name that I do not lay my hands on this "Mother so and so" posing as a "messinger" because if I do, I will literally "separate him from his message", just the way he likes it, with my Bull Pistle. "

Ah giving him chree! bull in e hass for e dam! dootishness.

That Zagada stood up on his Talkshop pulpit and told us that after doing his sums, Clinton would win by ten (10%) percentage points. He said he had gone through all his configuration and rechecked his maths.Tony De praised that boi for his insight and foresight in American Politics; even wanting to crown him "King over the "French Quarters".

It was the same dam thing a UWI Professor named Selwyn Ryan had advised Patrick Manning of TnT to do some years ago. Even told Patrick he was going to win mostly all the seats. As a result,  Patrick went and called the election early and lost to Basdeo Panday.

Rummors had it that Patric was looking to give him a good cut hass for dat.

That is why ah told Tony, doh listen to him because Downstreet people doh know how to do sums, especially those that come from UWI. But the hard-headed T De who likes rubbing shoulders wid brite people, stuppes at me, giving me Sand for Sugar and telling me that it was obvious that Downstreet was one of his ole GBSS Hostel bois and must know what he is talking about. He went on to mention that I was only jealous it wasn't ah product of Schaper like dem Concord bois dat kud do sums so.

So ah take me lix like ah man.

But bright and early foreday morning Wednesday when the result was finalized, it was Clinton who got she tail slap up by that political pimp.

Ah doh care who Downdtreet is but if ah hold him, is lix for so!

Re: "Talkshop Selwyn" Can't Do Sums

Ah fella who doh know one word of patois, but claim to be French, Jess attack one of me bredrin from Downstreet, suggesting that he is ah reincarnation of some Selwyn from Trinidad. Well, if I was a snitch,I would tell everybody, dat de fella who say date,is one ah Dem college educated blacks for Trump, he and he girlfriend Omorosa.

The fella say Downstreet, dont know sums, because he say Hillary go win by ten percent ovah Trump.

He an Tony de dont know Downstreet, even doh it look like dey contact.James Comey, de KGB, and Wikileaks to track him down. He say dat Tony De tell him dat Downstreet was ah GBSS hostel guy.Ah laugh till I almost ded,Street was either in Anglican or Catholic school or both, he din like school as much as he liked, ja halle. He mudder din have money to send him to Shaper far less Tung School.
De bwoy nevah see de door of ah college,not even PBC,so he nevah learn Ad maths,calculus and Algebra, as all you brite fellahs here.

In true Trumpian fashion De Frenchman is trying to denigrate, ah hope dats ah good word, de poor,poorly edjicated fella from Downstreet . Now ah know dat as ah Frenchman, he musta go to ah highfalutin college like de Soborne because De fella like to fight,but,it look like he is also ah graduate of de Electoral College, because De fella didn't figure dat what Downstreet was talking about was simple math, 1+1=2. Dat is as far as Down Street learn in school.So when he check out de total votes cast, he say he was right, Hillary beat Trump by ah million votes.

But you brite fellas say, no way,he doh. Know calculus.All you rig de ting Trump squeal on all you.De boy so confused, he go by he family in Closer, an ah doh know when he coming back Downstreet.

Re: "Talkshop Selwyn" Can't Do Sums

Good one Selwyn. We need a little humor

Re: "Talkshop Selwyn" Can't Do Sums

ROTFLMAO....All I can say is, in the aftermath of this traumatic election result, thank God you have a sense of humor. I will continue take whatever liberty "Bossman Arthur" can afford me to indulge. The alternative is for me to seek psychiatric help which as you know, is quite expensive and with the little caca-dah ah have save up for retirement, one visit is all I may be able to afford.

Thanks for upholding me in my French parlance, very refreshing to say the least,

VJL

Re: "Talkshop Selwyn" Can't Do Sums

Bro,

Your absence from the Shop seems to have guided you along the beacon path of Clozier with time to forge a relationship with your alter ego, Selwyn, while feasting on Big Rats .....ah mean Manicou and Armadillo. But Sah!, if there were any concerns about your "Gouyaviness", you have laid them to rest with this piece of yours; not that you needed any authentication but more so because you have captured in true spirit, the colloquial parlance and phraseology of our people.

I remember very well, the resistance I was met with during my advent into blogging on another familiar forum. I was simply trying to bring out the accent/twang of our people through spellings( incorrect though they may be) that would capture the sounds and tones of the words/pharses being used in our everyday language. Worse yet, it was coming from someone with a sobriquet like "Gouyaveman" which must have awaken their gene of hate from its dormancy in them.

"Well! Who tell me to do dat?"

Every Tom, Dick and Harry who were trained under the British Crown came after me for violating Her Majesty's language. Some telling me, in every unflattering terms immaginable, to "keep 'that' up there". Others saying that the language was typical of country-bookies who were illiterate and did not know how to speak or write. So in true West Indian/Grenadian style, I was placed in the hole of my pedigree, the Pigeons, where I laid comfortably.

And when I thought their derisions were enough, I made a post reminding them of the uniqueness of Gouyave. I pointed to her educational, professional, athletical achievements and her contributions to our nation building through government participation, all in the Queen's language.

Do you know the same people who were so vexed, all wanted to know who this Gouyaveman was? Then strangely, the Gouyave connection in them began to come out.

Hear dem!

"Boi! me Gran muddah on me Faddah side came from Gouyave, you knoooow. Dey use to live some way by the Ole Stall Downstreet"

Others saying,

"Me good fren in PBC/GBSS was ah fella from Gouyave and boi, he was brite for so!"

Another fella confess that he was born in Gouyave, went to school on Boulevard de Upper Depradine in the French Quarters but his parents migrated to Town taking him and all his good memories with them. Then all of a sudden, it was nice to be a Gouyave man.....lol

Padnah, it is always refreshing when one chooses to take time out from the rigourousness of writing formalities to engage in  lively, spirited or even mundane conversations. It is even more fun when one engages in writing in the third person.

But to infer that my French designation is fraudulent as indicative of my lacking in the knowledge of Patois, I would proudly respond  in the parlance of my Mother and Grandmother and  say " sac e fey? Oue fou!?" Lol

Noice post and funny like hell

VJL

Re: "Talkshop Selwyn" Can't Do Sums

Vern,it is always a pleasure interacting with you, Tony and the other posters here.It is not surprising that your Guaveness, was treated with such scant courtesy on that other forum,my grandfather used to say a little knowledge could be d dangerous, and with everyone now a secondary school graduate, they consider
it their civic duty to enforce the rules of syntax.
It matters little to them that English as spoken on the streets and Grenadian TV,may well have been a second or third language to them.They grabbed the opportunity to pounce on a country boy from Gouyave,totally missing your deliberate introduction of our colloquialism into the discourse.
But as we know one has to be tired of lobster, before we can appreciate the delicate flavors of "pick on gouge" so let them be.
That they tried to suck up, once they figured that you had some pedigree is stage two of that Grenadian malady. aka Mal khadi , that I spoke before.
There used to be a time when folks wanted to know you so that they could help build you up and be proud to have contributed in whatever way to your success.
The new Gren X Ers see it differently.
Someone once said to me, "Boy dis is ah block and tackle society, if dey can't block you, dey go tackle you" true dat, but once they realise that you will succeed regardless,they line up to be your BFF.
There was no need to wake up ah ageable person foreday mornin to arx Dem for a few patois words, you ah arx me,sac etan parle lot.